Kinda Messy

When I finally got back to my apartment at 11:00 tonight after being up since 7:00 am, the very first thought that came to my head as I opened my front door was, "Wow, I am a failure." I haven't been there for some people as much as I should have been, I have finals starting next week and I haven't studied for a single one, I have slacked off with my intentionality, literally every screw up I have ever felt hit me at once.

When I opened my bedroom door, things didn't get any better. My clothes where everywhere from where I had attempted to unpack from the break and ended up making a bigger mess, I had incomplete assignments sitting on my desk, I knocked over my garbage, and my cup was still sitting on my desk from lunch. My next thought, "why is my life so messy??" My room is a mess, my life is a mess, my sleep schedule is a mess, 6 days out of 7 my hair is a mess, and my bed is now a mess because I just spilled Emergen-C in it while I was trying to type this. (Oh yeah, my immune system is kind of a mess right now too.)

After a moment of panic, I had a thought. "I bet the cross was kinda messy." I think sometimes I just look at the cross and think of its beauty because the cross brought forgiveness and allows for an eternity with Christ and I forget how big of a price it was that Jesus had to pay. It was not pretty. It was bloody, it was gory, it was painful. The good news though is that the cross was not a failure. Because of the cross, my life does not have to be a mess, because Jesus died the death I deserve and took away every sin, every failure, and all of my pain.

Here is some more good news: because Jesus took all of our sins and failures upon Himself on the cross, it is never too late to run back to Him and we are never too far gone. If He can cause the walls of Jericho to fall, He can break the chains that bind you. If He can raise Lazarus from the dead, He can breathe new life into you. If He can calm a raging storm, He can calm your heart. However, Jesus is the only one who can fix it because He already took care of it when He bore the cross. My life felt like it was falling apart today because I tried to fix it on my own. Earthly matters require a heavenly response. Talk to the Father. Ask Him for help. Tell Him you need Him, because you do.

Listen to what the parable of the wandering sheep in Matthew 18:12-14 says, "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wonders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish." He wants you. It is time to run back to the Shepherd.

-Amy