Faithful.

One of the first days of my 2017 was spent driving on a road for two and a half hours with tears streaming down my face the entire time. I was not even able to listen to music because every song somehow triggered more emotions and made the tears fall a little harder. I still remember a text from my mom when I arrived to my destination. "How long did you cry?" I was honest. "The whole way." Yesterday, as 2017 is quickly coming to a close,  I drove that same road. This time there was a smile. Worship music was blaring and I was loving every second of it. There was joy, hope, and one word overwhelmed me as I began to think back to that first drive of 2017. Faithful. He's been so good to me.

At the beginning of this year, some people I was close to knew I was struggling and were constantly covering me in prayer. However, to others I was putting on a smile and making it appear that I had it all together. If you would ask me how I was, I would probably tell you I was good, but inside I was broken. I was struggling, and if I am honest,  I was on the verge of depression. I was unhappy, school was a struggle, I missed my family, my living situation was less than desirable, and no matter how many people I had surrounding me, I was overcome with feelings of loneliness. I remember many nights with my face on the floor crying and begging God to help me. I was definitely not alone, but still the feeling never seemed to go away. "God, I am lonely," I probably said that a million times. And then I felt God speak to me, "Perfect. That's where I want you." What?!?! Did He hear me correctly? I am lonely, I am miserable, I don't want to do this anymore. But in the following weeks I realized what He meant. I learned what it meant to find contentment in Christ and to be okay when everything seemed to be falling apart, because my trust and hope was in something and someone far greater than any of my circumstances. In that season of loneliness, my relationship with God grew so much because I was truly relying on Him for everything.

At the beginning of the year, I was constantly praying for changes. "Make this better. Take this away. Give me this. Give me that. Please let me move schools." I quickly realized I was being so selfish and began praying for peace instead. These are my circumstances. My God is bigger. These circumstances are temporary. My God is eternal. You would not believe the drastic change I saw in my life just by praying for a heart that was at peace. I fell in love with my circumstances. I had a great school, I had people who loved me and wanted to do life with me, and so much more. Every negative situation I faced seemed so minor when I put things in perspective.

Fast forward to August, and everything I prayed so often for, God was faithful to provide. I have so many incredible friends who make me excited to be at school, hold me accountable, encourage me, motivate me, and love me like Christ loves me. I have a wonderful place to live and a school that provides me with incredible opportunities to lead, serve, and be a light. God has provided for me in unfathomable and miraculous ways and has completely turned me around from where I was this time last year. Every day He has shown me His ways are good. My life was never falling apart, it was simply falling into place. And every circumstance I went through was divinely orchestrated to grow me, mold me, teach me, and show me that God is faithful to provide.

Faithful He has been.
Faithful He is.
Faithful He will be.

-Amy

Kinda Messy

When I finally got back to my apartment at 11:00 tonight after being up since 7:00 am, the very first thought that came to my head as I opened my front door was, "Wow, I am a failure." I haven't been there for some people as much as I should have been, I have finals starting next week and I haven't studied for a single one, I have slacked off with my intentionality, literally every screw up I have ever felt hit me at once.

When I opened my bedroom door, things didn't get any better. My clothes where everywhere from where I had attempted to unpack from the break and ended up making a bigger mess, I had incomplete assignments sitting on my desk, I knocked over my garbage, and my cup was still sitting on my desk from lunch. My next thought, "why is my life so messy??" My room is a mess, my life is a mess, my sleep schedule is a mess, 6 days out of 7 my hair is a mess, and my bed is now a mess because I just spilled Emergen-C in it while I was trying to type this. (Oh yeah, my immune system is kind of a mess right now too.)

After a moment of panic, I had a thought. "I bet the cross was kinda messy." I think sometimes I just look at the cross and think of its beauty because the cross brought forgiveness and allows for an eternity with Christ and I forget how big of a price it was that Jesus had to pay. It was not pretty. It was bloody, it was gory, it was painful. The good news though is that the cross was not a failure. Because of the cross, my life does not have to be a mess, because Jesus died the death I deserve and took away every sin, every failure, and all of my pain.

Here is some more good news: because Jesus took all of our sins and failures upon Himself on the cross, it is never too late to run back to Him and we are never too far gone. If He can cause the walls of Jericho to fall, He can break the chains that bind you. If He can raise Lazarus from the dead, He can breathe new life into you. If He can calm a raging storm, He can calm your heart. However, Jesus is the only one who can fix it because He already took care of it when He bore the cross. My life felt like it was falling apart today because I tried to fix it on my own. Earthly matters require a heavenly response. Talk to the Father. Ask Him for help. Tell Him you need Him, because you do.

Listen to what the parable of the wandering sheep in Matthew 18:12-14 says, "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wonders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish." He wants you. It is time to run back to the Shepherd.

-Amy

Pizza and a Parking Spot

You wanna know the character of the Father? Ask Him to reveal Himself to you.

He. Will. Do. It.

Almost a month ago, I went on a retreat that changed my heart in the best ways. One thing I learned was that I had this view of the Father that was all wrong. I had this fear that any little thing I did would cause Him to snap and I would have to face His anger, or He would just stop caring about me. I constantly lived my life tiptoeing around and trying not to mess up. In fact, I think I avoided Him.

Once my eyes were opened to this, I began to see Him for who He truly is. He is loving. He is compassionate. He is patient. And one of my favorite things: His grace will never run out.

I don't have to live in fear of Him or in fear that He will leave.

For the past few weeks, it's almost like He's been saying, "Hey, watch this. I'll show you my goodness." He has shown Himself to me in so many tiny ways that might seem silly to everyone else, but to me it's so beautiful.

The other day, Trace and I were talking about the Father and how great He is. When it was time for me to head back to my residence hall, I made a comment about how I was really hoping I would get a good parking spot so I didn't have to walk very far. Trace said, "You will." I got back to the lovely Rice Hall and there was a parking spot right behind the building. I texted Trace and told him and he said, "Dad saved it for you!" I truly believe that. He looks out for His children, y'all!!

The day after that, I was sitting in class when I got a text from my youth group back home about it being game night. I texted my sister and said, "I could smash some pizza right now." That night I went to church in Starkville and guess what was for dinner? Pizza. At that point I had forgotten I even said anything earlier that day. I got my pizza and went to sit down and someone said to me, "yeah girl, smash that pizza." My. exact. words. When it hit me I was almost in tears. Over pizza. I was just so in awe that the God who created the universe cares enough to listen to my silly wishes.

I say all this just as a reminder that He does listen and He cares for His children. I've been in the place where you think you don't hear God's voice. You just have to pay attention!! He is constantly speaking, even if you think it might be small or silly. Take the time to really tune your ear to His voice and learn how He speaks. He might just show you how good He is through pizza and a parking spot.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; his love endures forever." -Psalm 107:1

-Bekah

My GenSend Story

At the beginning of my GenSend journey, my intention was to post a weekly blog as an update on what my team was doing in the city. However, I quickly realized that would not be possible. I spend 2-3 hours on every blog I write and with limited free time, I decided to enjoy the time I had with my teammates and blog at the end of our time in NYC. I have now been back in Alabama for a month and a half and am just now getting around to blogging (oops) due to spending time with family and friends, moving back to Troy, and starting my sophomore year. But I am excited to share a bit about my journey this summer, so here it goes!

Each week looked very similar, but different all at the same time. Monday was our team’s Sabbath day. I used this day to catch up on much needed rest. I would also use this time to have a couple hours of quiet time to sit and reflect on our week and I also worked my way through the book of Matthew during this time, as well as my daily quiet times. Monday evenings were spent with my group in a time of accountability and worship. My accountability group (Shoutout to ya’ll, Aimee and David!!) focused on Biblical community as well as being intentional in our daily conversations and pointing people to the hope we have in Christ. During the week, our group of 16 split into 3 smaller groups to work in the communities of Flatbush, Crown Heights, and Red Hook. My small group of 6 spent our time in Crown Heights working with Mosaic Baptist Church. Mosaic is a family that is composed of many different cultures and backgrounds, but all one in the body of Christ. They have been a church for a couple years now, and are still growing.

On Tuesdays, we would stand on one of the more crowded streets in the community and hand out cold water bottles. The most shocking part to the people passing by was that the water bottles were totally free! No strings attached. With each water bottle we handed to people passing by, we would also give them a card with Mosaic’s information on it. By offering people this free gift, it gave us an opportunity to share the gospel. Many people would ask why we were handing them out for free, in which we could explain that we wanted to give them a free gift, but the greatest gift that is so freely given to us is the gift of salvation through Jesus. And sometimes we got to explain that while this water may satisfy for a little while, we quench our thirst on the living water. Even when people did not ask questions, or wanted nothing to do with what we were saying, they were still given an invitation to church. It is our prayer that their hearts will be stirred and they will visit Mosaic and there they will not only find people who love them, but they will also find the greatest gift they have ever received: Jesus.

Wednesdays were spent in Brower Park. One thing that was brought to my attention was that in New York, people don’t have their own yards, so the public parks act as their front yard and their back yard. This makes the parks a great place to get involved with the community, get to know people, and share the gospel with them. Our park outreach was physically demanding. If I am honest, I dreaded Wednesdays at first. But after a while, I realized how much there is to learn in a garden. Not just knowledge about plants and critters, but spiritual knowledge. While pulling and digging, God taught me what it means to be deeply rooted. He taught me to plant myself on fertile ground, to nurture the seeds I am planting, and to watch for weeds that can quickly take over if I do not handle them properly. Our presence in Brower Park did not go unnoticed. People were always curious what why we were there, which also gave us opportunities to share about Mosaic and invite people to our fellowship. One week our pastor even led someone to Christ in the park. I am so thankful for the way Brower Park humbled me this summer.

Thursdays were spent as “Send Relief” days and were my absolute favorite. For the first 3 weeks, our small groups rotated between 3 ministries. The first place my small group went was to Graffiti 5 Church in Coney Island. While serving with Graffiti 5, we were given the opportunity to enter a public school (Christian groups entering a public school is practically unheard of in New York) and have lunch and recess with the kids. It was amazing to see the diversity these kids are exposed to at such a young age. They don’t see each other as different. They only see each other as friends. When we finished at the school, we went on a prayer walk around the island and handed out flyers for Graffiti’s free summer program. This program allows kids to come 5 days a week and be surrounded by people who will love them as they teach them about Jesus and His word. Oh, and not to mention we got to sneak down to the beach for a little while we when finished for the day.

Our second Thursday relief day was spent with a program called Let My People Go. This ministry is a ministry that works with human trafficking. Their goal is to identify what people groups in the community are most subject to trafficking, and figure out what the local churches can do to help these people and reach out to them. Our team was tasked with going to Harlem and finding people and places in the community that know the people in the area and understand their needs and ask them who is most subject to being trafficked. We went to soup kitchens, police offices, theaters, and asked other people we saw in passing. Each person we talked to had a bit of a different opinion as to who was most vulnerable, but it still helped to give us ideas on how the church can help.

Our third relief ministry site was where we would be permanently for the remaining Thursdays of the summer. (And boy was I happy about that.) My team and I ended up at Graffiti 1. Our first week there, we spent the day decorating for their summer camp. This years’ theme was “God at Work” and we displayed road signs all over the church, and turned the building into a construction zone. The next week was where the real fun began. Each week, the Graffiti kids got to go on a field trip. We went to a waterpark, the Central Park Zoo, and the Brooklyn Children’s Museum. Used to, I would hear the words “field trip” and get really excited. But now those words bring a little bit of anxiety. Field trips in New York are very different from field trips in Alabama. There was no hopping on a bus and driving to our destination. Field trip days began with a 15 minute walk (if we were lucky enough to go that fast) to the nearest Subway station. When our train arrived, my partner and I (Whoo Christen, what a champ) along with 2-3 people from the weekly mission team would carefully ensure that ten first and second graders got on the subway safely. That, my friends is no easy task. We would also make sure the kids got safely off the subway, and sometimes we even had to transfer to a second train. Then we would walk another 10 minutes or so to our destination. (I probably counted those kids 50 times in the 20 minutes we were in the Subway station.) After the field trip was over, we would turn around and do it all over again. It was stressful and not an easy job, but anybody who knows me knows I love kids with all my heart so I was definitely right in my element.

Fridays were probably the most difficult days for me. The task was simple. We were to head to Franklin Avenue in Crown Heights which was a more gentrified area to meet people and form relationships. (If you are unfamiliar with gentrification, you can read a little bit about that in my GenSend week 2 blog.) Our team was sent into coffee shops and local restaurants to be intentional with our time and our conversations. Our desire was to form connections and thus be able to invite people to Mosaic and share the gospel with them. This quickly proved to be more difficult than it sounded. New York is a very fast paced city and many people leave the shops just as quickly as they came in. Finding people who were willing to sit and have a conversation with you was extremely difficult and I left the first Friday feeling defeated. The next Friday, my prayer was simple. “Lord, it’s not about quantity. Just lead me to one person.” And wow, did He. Two of my teammates and I were walking in the different shops on Franklin Ave. when we stumbled upon a dress shop. When we entered, we were greeted by a beautiful, friendly, and welcoming face. Ms. Francine. I truly believe that people in New York and just lonely people who crave for someone to listen. We were in Ms. Francine’s shop for an hour and never had any trouble with the direction of our conversation. We opened up to her and told her about the mission we were in New York for and she gave us such sweet advice and let us know many times how proud of us she was. Each week, we would look forward to going back to her shop to discuss our week with her. She never failed to make us smile. She eventually told us that she was a Christian and was faithfully involved with a church which brought me so much joy. She shared a couple prayer requests with us and we promised to come back to see her the next week. I remember leaving that day so frustrated with myself. I had been feeling the whole time that I should pray for her, but neglected to. The whole week, I prayed that God would allow us to see her one more time and I promised that I would be obedient to the Spirit’s urging. Thankfully, the next Friday we walked in to see Ms. Francine in the same chair she had been in the weeks before. My heart was happy. After a bit of time passing, Ms. Francine informed us that she was taking a trip to see her granddaughter and that would be our last Friday together. After some tears, laughs, and hugs, my teammates surrounded Ms. Francine as I had the wonderful opportunity to finally pray for her. It was one of my favorite moments of the whole summer.

Saturdays were our days off. My teammates and I used this time to sleep in and explore the city. We went to Little Italy, China Town, the 9/11 Memorial, the beach, and more. It was a great time to catch up with the other small groups within our team and hear about their ministry projects for the week.

The cool thing about Mosaic was that their Sunday services didn’t start until 4. How cool is that? The first couple weeks I spent my Sunday mornings in worship at Hillsong Church and Brooklyn Tabernacle. It was awesome and encouraging to worship alongside other believers in a place where Christians are in the minority. Towards the middle of the summer, I started using Sunday mornings as more time to rest after exhausting weeks. At Mosaic, my teammates and I worked in children’s church. We got to love on so many kids from the community and introduce them to scripture they had never heard. I also got to hold some sweet sleepy babies which again, if you know me, that was perfect.

One thing that our pastor was so faithful to ask us each week was, “what is God teaching you?” God taught me so much this summer and stretched me, molded me, and grew me in so many ways. However, looking back I can see a theme in each thing I learned. This summer I just learned how to live. GenSend was not a mission trip. It was about my life on a mission. Each day comes with opportunities. Every conversation can be traced to the gospel if we listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and humbly obey Him. This summer consistently gave me practical ways to share the gospel and be a missionary in my everyday life. The very last day of my trip I wrote a response card to what I learned this summer and how it would impact me going forward. Here is what it said:

“As I am stepping away from GenSend, God has simply shown me how to live. For so long now, I have much awaited the day where I am called away for the gospel. In my waiting I have neglected the mission field I am currently on: my school, my church, and my community. However, now I truly see not only the need but the desire to be an everyday missionary and be intentional where I am. Other callings will come at other times, but for now I want to be deeply rooted and bloom where I am. Until everyone sees. Until everyone hears. Until everyone knows. I want to make earth look more like heaven.”

Leaving my teammates was incredibly difficult. In a matter of 7 weeks they became my family and it hurt to leave them not knowing when I would see them again. At the same time, I was so excited because I knew how much of an impact they were all going to make. They are world changers. If I don’t get to see them again on this earth, I know without a doubt I will hear of all the great Kingdom work they are doing and I will see them again in Heaven when He calls us home. I am so thankful for the promises of an eternity with my sweet Jesus.

There is so much more I could write about this summer and how it radically changed me. However, my fingers are about to fall off and if anyone has even read this far I am shocked. But, if you want to know more about the GenSend program or about my experiences this summer, I can (and will) talk your ear off for hours.

Thank you so much to everyone who faithfully prayed for me and my teammates while I was gone this summer. I am so looking forward to seeing God work in me and through me my sophomore year and I cannot wait to see where He sends me next.

Until everyone sees.

Until everyone hears.

Until everyone knows.

Send me.

-Amy

GenSend Week 2: New Setting, New Settings

I have never been as excited to hear an alarm clock at 2:30 a.m. as I was on the day my team and I finally got to fly to New York. I was ready to get going and could not wait to finally see the city the Lord had called me to spend my summer serving. I was a little anxious and nervous, but the Lord calmed my every fear and the day went so smoothly. However, I did quickly realize that I over packed, but with the help of some super sweet and respectful guys on my team, I made it to the dorm with both my giant suitcases.

Day one in New York was a super fun and exciting day. Our leader sent us out on a city-wide scavenger hunt in hopes for us to learn how to use the subways and learn to navigate the city. In a matter of 4-5 hours I had seen the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue of Liberty (from a distance), Trinity Church, Times Square, Radio City Music Hall, the NYC Public Library, and more. I can’t say I mastered the subways that day, but it was awesome to see some of the greatest places in NYC at a very quick pace.

The following day, I finally got to go to Crown Heights where I would be serving. It was a very eye opening experience to see how divided the community was and how broken both sides were. I was introduced to the word “gentrification” and learned about the effects it was having on the community. What this means is basically that people are moving into the community to take advantage of the low housing rates. This is causing prices to rise, thus displacing lower-income people. Our team’s goal is to meet needs in the community and help each side understand that they are both equally broken and in need of a Savior. He is the only one that can truly bring peace and unity.

The whole goal of the GenSend program is to learn how to live life missionally and intentionally in an urban context. Basically, what that means is that every time we go out, we seek to be led by the Holy Spirit in whatever we are doing and to be obedient when He gives opportunities for gospel conversations. So the following few days, we spent our time hanging out with kids at a local elementary school and spending intentional time hanging out in coffee shops in our neighborhood and engaging people in conversations. We met some amazing people who have been in the community for many years and got to form relationships with them that we will continue to be intentional in so that we may point them to Christ. One lady we met while walking down the street was named Fatima. She has lived in the neighborhood for 17 years and was a very kind and passionate lady. We talked with her for a while and exchanged phone numbers and hugs and have plans to have dinner in the future. We also met the owners of several local shops and are excited for the opportunity to visit them throughout the summer and continue having conversations with them.

While I loved every moment of the work we were doing, I still felt a little bit ineffective and like I had not done anything. However, the Lord quickly brought Colossians 3:17 to my mind. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Sometimes you may be asked to meet needs in a tangible way, and sometimes you may be called to just talk to people. To let them know that someone loves them and cares about them, and to let your words point them to Jesus, the greatest gift they could ever receive. It is not our job as Christians to save anyone. That is between them and God. The only thing that we are supposed to do is to plant the seed and to share with others the hope that we have in Jesus.

Sunday morning, I had the incredible opportunity to go to Hillsong Church. As always, God did His thing and the message was exactly what I needed. I am in a completely different setting than my small-town Alabama home so every day I must continue to adjust to my new setting. Much like I have to adjust myself to this new place, I also have to daily adjust the settings of my heart. Colossians 3:5 tells us to “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” It continues in verse 8, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” And in verse 12 it says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Every day, we must wake up and decide that we are going to put on the things in verse 12. We are imperfect human beings who have a sinful nature, and if we are not intentional about putting on the things that will lead us to godliness, then we will revert to our default settings and we will get caught in sin. We also learned the importance of standing in awe of God and the things he has done. One thing that the preacher, Carl Lentz told us that stuck with me is, “Wonder matters because it will protect you from perpetual wander.” If we are not in awe of the things of God and what he has done for us, we will wander astray and seek worldly things to satisfy our needs.

Sunday afternoon I got to attend my first service with Mosaic Baptist, the church in Crown Heights that I am spending my summer with. It was amazing how people from all different races and cultures came together to worship. When we get to Heaven, we will worship with every nation, tribe, and tongue and it was amazing to have a glimpse of what that will look like here on earth.

My first week in New York was full of many learning experiences, laughs, adjustments, and new friendships. I am looking forward to the rest of the summer and getting to watch the Lord work in the relationships we are forming, and provide opportunities for us to share the gospel with the people of Brooklyn. Please continue to pray for my team as we seek to live our lives on a mission.