Monday, December 30, 2019

Crushed, Pressed, Made New || 2019

At the beginning of the 2019, I was sitting in a cabin tucked in the woods outside of Troy, Alabama, listening to worship music and preparing for the year ahead with a group of campus ministry leaders. As I was listening and reflecting on the previous year, a song began to speak to my spirit.

In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine

I felt God whisper to me, "what if 2019 is the year that a crush you and press you?" 

My initial thoughts were to be drowned by fear. After all, crushing and pressing were scary words. However, it was the promise of newness that followed those two words that I chose to dwell on.

Even with the promise of newness, there was still a tiny bit of fear that settled in my tummy. I knew that being made new would require change, something I despised.

As I kept praying and letting the words of this song ring through my heart and mind, the Lord reminded me of a passage from Exodus 17.

In verses 8-16, the Amalekites attack the Israelites. Moses commanded Joshua to choose some of his men to go and fight the Amalekites and claimed, "Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands." (v. 9)

Joshua did as Moses commanded and Moses went to the top of the hill with Aaron and Hur. As long as Moses held his hands up, the Israelites were winning, but when he put his hands down, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses got tired, Aaron and Hur put a stone under him for him to sit on and each held up one of his arms for him. They held his arms steady until the sunset, and verse 16 tells us, "Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword."

This passage served as the perfect reminder that we are not made to fight alone. Christian community is absolutely vital to our spiritual well-being. I knew that no matter what change, newness and pressing were going to come my way, there were people in my life who would be willing to stand beside me, lift me up, and usher in the newness God wanted to bring.

As you can imagine, the crushing and the pressing came, and with them came the pain of the ridding myself of the old. In fact, you cannot be made new until you let go and surrender the old.

My passions and desires began to change, my plans became void, and my relationships with some people were crumbling. It was hard...really hard. I had no idea what was happening, but the song reminded me,

When I trust you I don't need to understand.

At the time where I was being crushed and pressed the most, I was in Kenya serving my second summer with a ministry that is very near and dear to my heart, Camp BlueSky.

I went into my second summer with a lot of expectations for it to be similar to my first summer. (For context, read my blog post, "Worth It || Kenya-Summer 2018.") However, as the summer went on, it became clear to me that my second summer was going to be significantly different than the first.

While at camp, I was learning a lot about myself. I was learning about who Christ has called me to be and the plans He has set before me. There were passions and desires that I had previously had that were changing. The changes I was seeing were scary. Things I wanted and seen as part of my life, became insignificant.

Along with seeing changes in myself, I was working with very different kids than I did my first summer. Instead of having big professions of faith from the most unlikely sinners, I was discipling kids that grew up in church and had become sort of numb to the Gospel.

Through all this, I began to feel discouraged. I felt like there must be something "wrong" with me if God was not moving the way I expected Him too. Believing we have anything to do with people coming to salvation is a dangerous place to be. In a brief moment of self-pity, God humbled me and reminded me that what I was doing had nothing to do with me or what I could do, but everything to do with what the Holy Spirit, through me, could do.

Just because God is not working in the way we expect Him to, does not at all mean that He isn't working. We know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Our only responsibility is to be obedient to the Great Commission, and to go wherever the Lord has called us to go, and to boldly proclaim His name. What happens from there is up to the sovreignty of God. All He asks is our obedience.

God also reminded me in this time that I was not meant to be fighting my battles alone. I needed an Aaron and a Hur to come and hold me up, and He was faithful to do that. So many people at camp were always there to uplift one another in prayer and encourage one another in the scriptures. I am always amazed at the family I find anywhere I go as part of the body of Christ.

When I left camp, I knew how important it would be for me to go back home and reconnect with spiritual family who would hold me accountable and be there to hold me when I could not hold myself. I am blessed to have many people who are willing to uplift me and always point me back to the feet of Jesus.

Fall semester was challenging, and did not come without its fair share of trials and hardships. However, with the things God had been teaching me. I was able draw near to Him and have people standing beside me to fight our spiritual battles together. My friends are fervent in prayer and abounding in wisdom and love for Christ.

It may have taken me a long time to learn and to realize what this year meant to me, but standing at the end looking back, I can see the newness Christ has brought into my life. The crushing and pressing were painful, uncomfortable, and hard. But without them, I would not be where I am today.

I am full of joy and life. The path may not be super clear, but I know that with the help of the amazing Christian community of family and friends God has given me, I can take one step at a time, and allow the Lord to direct my path.

I guess my point is this...there is a purpose in your pain. Do not try to do this life alone. Keep going. One step at a time. God is so good. He is so faithful. The newness that comes from the crushing and the pressing is worth the journey.

-Amy

Saturday, December 28, 2019

An Explanation for Absence (Post Coming Soon!)

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written! I am writing a new article to post soon but I wanted to give a brief explanation for my absence before I just randomly throw new content at you.

My last post entitled, "Charge," was written just a few days before arriving in Kenya and was sharing what God was teaching me and speaking to me in that season.

When I left for Kenya, I continued writing weekly about the things God was doing in my life, as well as in the ministry I was working with. However, these writings never made it to my blog. I wanted to respect the privacy of the individuals I was with, as well as keep a level of intimacy within my personal relationship with God instead of feeling the need to share everything. Because of this desire, I only sent the writings via email to a small group of supporters who "held the rope" for me and interceded on my behalf all summer long. (If you still want to hear about my summer in Kenya, feel free to ask me, or let me know and I can forward my weekly updates to you.)

When I returned from Kenya, I was broken. I went in with expectations from my previous summer, and none of those expectations were met, at least not in the way I hoped for them to be. God was still the same God He was my first summer (and always has been and will be,) but I saw Him work in completely different ways, which at the time seemed like a lack of Him working and moving. It took me a while to finally understand the way He moved in my life and in the lives of others throughout the summer.

I was also broken not knowing if I would ever be back serving in Kenya. Leaving the people I had grown to love and consider family, as well as leaving a ministry I love without an anticipated return date was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, if not the hardest.

Because of this, I let myself process and just sit still in the presence of Jesus for a long time. A few months, really. I let Him work on me and I worked on myself at the same time.

During this time, my classes were picking up and I was taking a blogging class. This class required me to write 2-3 posts a week, so my writing focus shifted to that blog.

Now that I have made it through all of those things, I am ready and excited to write again! Stay tuned!

-Amy

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Charge

It’s currently 5:30 am as I am writing this and I’ve been wide awake since 4:30. Today my fellow teammates are kicking off the first week of camp in Kenya and I’m not there yet. I cannot get them off my mind and I’ve been crying out in prayer over them and all the kids arriving today all morning. 

One thing I ask myself very often when I pray is, “what’s your word?” I strongly believe that part of having true and deep intimacy with God is being aware of what He is doing in your life. Asking myself what my “word” is, is simply just taking the question, “what is God teaching me?” and simplifying it to just one single word. This really pushes me to truly think hard and meditate on what God is doing in my heart.

This morning, my word is “charge.” As I have been lying here, my heart and mind keep going back to last summer on a night we referred to as, “cross talk.” This was a night where we took time to explicitly share the gospel in detail. As I walked in to worship my first week, I felt the Lord speaking to me, “charge, my girl.” It is a battle to reach lost souls. Sometimes battles seem scary and leave us feeling defeated before we have even walked in. But good news, friends. We may be batting, but the victory is already won in Christ Jesus. Charge. Take heart. March in with full confidence in your Savior. Share boldly. Share proudly. The gospel of Jesus deserves to be proclaimed in full confidence and assurance of the victory we have in Him. 

For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.-Deuteronomy 20:4

Charge is also a good word when it comes to taking care of our spirit. I’m sitting here charging my phone and thinking about what it means. (I’m studying journalism, so I tend to think in metaphors quite often. Haha) Last night as I was heading to bed, my phone was on 88%. I unplugged it from the charger and headed off to sleep. When I woke up at 4 am, not too many hours later, I was on 33%. Besides the fact that I might need a new phone, this reminded me of a lesson God taught me years ago. The second you unplug a phone from the charger, it starts dying. The battery slowly drains as the phone works to surf social media, Google answers, play music, and whatever else. In the same way, the second we step away from God’s Word, our spiritual “batteries” slowly start to drain. The more we pour out, the quicker our “battery life” goes. The good news is, we don’t have to stay on 0%, 33%, 88%, or even 99%. We have access to a recharge from Jesus through prayer and His word. In order to be an effective tool, we must learn to utilize these “chargers.” Not only that, but we must learn to love and cherish them-His word and open communication we have with Him through prayer. 

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.-Hebrews 11:6

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.-Jeremiah 29:13



Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Camp Counselor Pro Tips

Last summer, I was a camp counselor at the best camp in the world - Camp BlueSky in Nairobi, Kenya. I fell in love with all things camp. The ministry, the fun, the competitions. But I especially fell in love with my kids. As I have been preparing for summer #2 with BlueSky, I have been thinking back on things I learned last summer about children's ministry in a camp context, and how to be a successful counselor. Here are some of my "pro" tips...

1. Relationships first-ALWAYS

When my girls are arriving and settling into camp, I make it my mission to give them the best first impression as possible. The first few minutes in the cabin are crucial when it comes to trust and respect. If the first thing they remember is a counselor fussing at them and being pushy, they will likely develop a disrespectful and resentful attitude. However, if you make them feel at home and just be their friend, things change. They listen to you, they care what you say, they respect your authority, and it just makes for a better week. One way I do this is by getting to know my campers. If they tell me their favorite song, I will sing it to them and dance like an idiot. If they tell me their favorite movie, we will talk about the plot. If they tell me about their family, I ask questions and show them pictures of mine. Being personal is always a good idea.

2. Give your undivided attention when possible

This is basically just reiterating my last point because again...relationships matter!! This one can be hard. When you are outnumbered 7 to1 or more, it is so easy to let your campers be just a number or just one of many. Campers' sense of belonging can radically impact the way they feel about their overall camp experience. So what are some practical ways to give undivided attention in a context where your attention can so easily be divided? Sit by a different child every meal and check in on their day, ask each of them what activity they enjoyed best, or sit and chat with them in the cabin while everyone else plays a game. One of my very favorite things I did last summer was what I referred to as "bedtime buddies." (Bonus tip: That's a totally lame and uncool title for pre-teens and teens, so don't let them know that's what you are calling it-lol.) During this time, I would walk around and sit by each campers' bed and have a  one-on-one conversation. I would ask them their favorite and least favorite part of the day, if they were having any conflicts, and what they learned. I had 4 goals with this: 1. let them know they are loved 2. try to resolve any conflicts and 3. send them to bed thinking of the day in a positive light (bedtime is when we often get caught up in negative emotions because we actually have time to sit and think) and 4. try to get their mind back on the Gospel-what is Jesus teaching me right now? Some of my most intimate conversations happened during this time.

3. It matters most at 3 am

One last tip along the relationship lines because I really, really just can't harp on it enough. I will be the first to say...I LOVE sleep. It is honestly so easy to get annoyed when you are up with a camper in the middle of the night but I promise this is when it matters most. Camp is literally 24 hour a day ministry. I had an instance last summer where a camper woke me up at 3 am because she was homesick. This was such a special time because I was able to sit with her, talk with her, and pray with her while the rest of the girls were sleeping. In another case, I had a girl wake me up around 2 am because she accidentally wet the bed. She was mortified and had tears streaming down her face. I assured her that everything was okay and I would take care of it. I let her sit down while I changed the sheets and got rid of the old ones. At the end of the week, she came to me before she left and thanked me for dealing with the incident privately, calming her down, and making sure everything was taking care of. A whole week of fun and that was the one thing she remembered. I truly believe that her entire experience would have been drastically different had I let my sleepiness drive me to anger and frustration.

4. If it needs to be done fast-make it a competition

There were so many times where I needed my campers to accomplish things quickly. Unfortunately, "fast" is not always in the vocabulary of young girls, and even if it is, they most definitely would not pair "fast" and "effective" together in a sentence. One thing I found that truly saved the day was making things that not only needed to been done in a timely way, but also done in the correct way a competition. If there was a prize on the line, my girls would almost always do what I asked of them. One of my biggest accomplishments last summer (and I am only half-way kidding) was getting 9 girls to shower in 25 minutes with only 2 showers. I had them start outside their bedroom door and once they tagged my hand, I started the stopwatch. They would run to the bathroom, shower, put their pajamas on, and run back to tag my hand. It was actually a really fun time that really built up the atmosphere in the cabin because you know...relationships. (Disclaimer: if you use this technique, be sure your kids understand that it only counts as a shower if they use soap. I was shocked that I even had to have this conversation.)

Ok, time for some more serious tips.

5. Pray and pray often

On the first day of camp, before my campers ever arrived, I always walked around to every bed, laid my hands on it, and prayed for the child that would be sleeping there. Before I even knew the name and the face that would occupy the space, they were prayed for. I prayed for Biblical understanding, safety, fun times, and strong relationships and I prayed against homesickness, fear, anxiety, bullying, distractions, and any other schemes of the enemy. It was imperative for me that I started my weeks like this and I made sure that this time of prayer was given the top priority on my list of things to accomplish for before my girls arrived. I also dedicated a day to prayer walk all around our campus before the camp sessions began. That day will forever be in my mind as one of the most special and significant days of my life. The Lord spoke so clearly to me that day and really prepared me for what was ahead. It was also important to me to pray throughout the day. If we were coming up on a Bible study time, I made sure I was praying for attention and understanding. If I could tell one of my girls was struggling, I would pray for that. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 instructs us to "pray without ceasing" and camp was where I truly learned and embraced the meaning and value of that scripture. The enemy fights hard, so we must fight harder.

6. You can never give enough grace

There is not a single instance from last summer that I look back on and think, "wow, I should have been a lot tougher on that kid." However, I can look back on a few and think, "I could've been a little bit more gracious or a little bit more patient." You will absolutely get tired. Camp is exhausting and kids have a crazy amount of energy. The campers are only there for a week, and you are probably there for a couple of months. But we have to give grace as freely as the Father has given it to us. They will not be perfect, and they may even drive you crazy at times. But how do we ultimately point people towards the Father? Imitate the Father. (Ephesians 5:1) Love like He did. Be gentle, be gracious, show mercy and compassion. We will never win souls for Christ if we live lives that are contrary to the gospel and His character.

Honestly, I could talk about camp all day long. I could think of tons of advice to give and tips to make things easier. But really all you need to remember is to value relationships, love like Jesus loved, let loose, and have the time of your life serving the One who gave His life for you.

Camp BlueSky, I am so ready for you.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Even Jesus Rested

Today I left three things unfinished on my daily to-do list...THREE!!

It was not until last semester that I discovered the benefits of having a daily to-do list. Before then, I relied on my memory to complete tasks and spent much more time napping or just laying in bed than I did being productive. Now, with classes getting busier, I obsess over my to-do list. One of my friends wrote, "Tell Trey he is cool" on it and I did it just for the pure satisfaction of marking it off. I keep myself so busy that I find myself in class while doing homework for another class, finishing assignments on my phone as I walk to my car, or staying up into early morning hours. While keeping a to-do list has kept me more on top of things and helped me keep my stress level to a minimum, I have become so consumed with crossing things off a list and being productive that I have neglected to give myself time to just be and to sit and rest.

This week God has placed a truth in my heart that I have not been able to shake. It is a constant thought and one I simply cannot push aside no matter how hard I try.

Even Jesus rested.

Let's look at one of my favorite stories from Mark 4.

35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I think Jesus probably left a lot on his "to-do" list that day. (Of course Jesus was perfect and so obviously He did what He was supposed to but just follow me for a second.) There were still more lessons that could have been taught. There were probably people who still needed healing and probably people with hungry tummies. But still, Jesus knew that He needed time to go and rest. 
Notice too that Jesus did not just stop to rest when it was convenient. He literally rested in the middle of a storm. A time of rest might not always be convenient, but it will always be necessary. It is also important to note that even Christian fellowship is not a replacement for rest in Christ. Jesus was with his disciples. He could have sat and talked, socialized, or played a game of Phase 10, but instead He chose alone time in the stern. I try to always remind myself there is a difference in good things and God things. We might seem to be doing everything right. We are with good Christian company, involved in a church and in a ministry, pouring into others, but yet we still have everything wrong. Without time to rest in Christ, we are unable to gain the Spiritual energy we need in order to live and love like Jesus did.
So today I didn't finish my to-do list. Instead, I took a nap with my dog, I took some time to fellowship with friends, and most importantly I spent some extra time in the Word and didn't rush so I could move to the next task. I rested.
Eugene Peterson says, "Busyness is an illness of the spirit." Let's pray for healing from this illness and restoration from Jesus, our source of rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."-Matthew 11:28

-Amy