Faithful.

One of the first days of my 2017 was spent driving on a road for two and a half hours with tears streaming down my face the entire time. I was not even able to listen to music because every song somehow triggered more emotions and made the tears fall a little harder. I still remember a text from my mom when I arrived to my destination. "How long did you cry?" I was honest. "The whole way." Yesterday, as 2017 is quickly coming to a close,  I drove that same road. This time there was a smile. Worship music was blaring and I was loving every second of it. There was joy, hope, and one word overwhelmed me as I began to think back to that first drive of 2017. Faithful. He's been so good to me.

At the beginning of this year, some people I was close to knew I was struggling and were constantly covering me in prayer. However, to others I was putting on a smile and making it appear that I had it all together. If you would ask me how I was, I would probably tell you I was good, but inside I was broken. I was struggling, and if I am honest,  I was on the verge of depression. I was unhappy, school was a struggle, I missed my family, my living situation was less than desirable, and no matter how many people I had surrounding me, I was overcome with feelings of loneliness. I remember many nights with my face on the floor crying and begging God to help me. I was definitely not alone, but still the feeling never seemed to go away. "God, I am lonely," I probably said that a million times. And then I felt God speak to me, "Perfect. That's where I want you." What?!?! Did He hear me correctly? I am lonely, I am miserable, I don't want to do this anymore. But in the following weeks I realized what He meant. I learned what it meant to find contentment in Christ and to be okay when everything seemed to be falling apart, because my trust and hope was in something and someone far greater than any of my circumstances. In that season of loneliness, my relationship with God grew so much because I was truly relying on Him for everything.

At the beginning of the year, I was constantly praying for changes. "Make this better. Take this away. Give me this. Give me that. Please let me move schools." I quickly realized I was being so selfish and began praying for peace instead. These are my circumstances. My God is bigger. These circumstances are temporary. My God is eternal. You would not believe the drastic change I saw in my life just by praying for a heart that was at peace. I fell in love with my circumstances. I had a great school, I had people who loved me and wanted to do life with me, and so much more. Every negative situation I faced seemed so minor when I put things in perspective.

Fast forward to August, and everything I prayed so often for, God was faithful to provide. I have so many incredible friends who make me excited to be at school, hold me accountable, encourage me, motivate me, and love me like Christ loves me. I have a wonderful place to live and a school that provides me with incredible opportunities to lead, serve, and be a light. God has provided for me in unfathomable and miraculous ways and has completely turned me around from where I was this time last year. Every day He has shown me His ways are good. My life was never falling apart, it was simply falling into place. And every circumstance I went through was divinely orchestrated to grow me, mold me, teach me, and show me that God is faithful to provide.

Faithful He has been.
Faithful He is.
Faithful He will be.

-Amy