Back in February, I started a 40 day prayer challenge called "Draw the Circle." This challenge was based on the idea of both physically and spiritually circling things in prayer. Physically getting up and walking around things/places the Lord has promised and spoken to you about, and spiritually praying around things the Lord places on your heart. Even when you seem to have already gotten answers to prayers, continuously praying through them in thankfulness. This idea was based upon Joshua and the wall of Jericho and how the Lord told him to walk around the wall and that on the 7th day it would come down. I was challenged to identify my Jericho and continuously pray circles around it until God showed me exactly where he was taking me.
At the beginning of this challenge, I drew a blank over my life. Everything was in the air for me. I didn't know if I would continue college at Troy, what my major would be, I didn't even know if I was going to stay in college at all. (I was just being very dramatic one day, but I really did consider dropping out. Dumb, I know.) However, this erased every expectation I had of what my life would look like and helped me to focus completely on the Lord and finding "My Place in His purpose." My place in His purpose was the theme of a missions conference I attended towards the end of February. At this conference, I was so challenged as I heard from person after person how they laid down every expectation they had for themselves and leveraged their whole lives for the sake of the gospel. I was hoping this conference would show me exactly what I was supposed to do in the coming months, but instead I left feeling a bit more confused. However, a friend of mine reminded me that the Jesus is not the author of confusion. All this inside my head was just me trying to figure things out for myself rather than surrendering completely to the will of God.
In the coming weeks, I began praying a new prayer. "Lord, let every decision that I make come from Your heart and not my head." I make a lot of plans in my head that seem so good and time after time my plans fail. I made plans to leave Troy and attend school at UAB. It made perfect sense to me, being that I want to eventually work at children's hospital. I convinced myself that Troy just didn't make sense. To be honest, I was praying for a way out and UAB seemed to be that way. I just kept praying and praying for this move and praying my new prayer and convincing myself that this was from God's heart. And then God starting shutting doors. Actually, He wasn't just shutting them; He was slamming them. It became clear to me that moving just wasn't going to work. So again, I changed my prayer. "Lord, all I want is peace. Whatever that looks like, whatever that is, just give me peace." As soon as I quit praying for a change of circumstance and started praying for a change of heart, the Lord gave me just that. I could no longer feel peace about leaving, and each day I fell more and more in love with Troy University and the people in it. Every time I would come to a place where I didn't think I could do it, God would remind me that I cant, but He can. The things he did for me that week were nothing short of miraculous. With that, my first circle was complete. So I started praying about a calling to missions I had been feeling so strongly. I could feel the Lord calling me to missions, but I thought it was still far in my future. However, I began to feel a sense of urgency. Not too long after, I heard about my youth group's annual missions trip and to me, that was it.
Fast forward a couple weeks. I spent my spring break with a group of 14 of the strongest, most encouraging and godly people I have ever met doing Disaster Relief missions with the North American Mission Board (NAMB). Every night, as our day came to a close, we would head over to the sanctuary and meet with all the other groups who had come to serve. We would spend about an hour each night worshipping together and hearing a message from a local pastor. On the next to last night a man came forward to speak to us about opportunities coming up to serve with NAMB over the summer. Personally, I already had my summer all planned out. I was going to work at the YMCA, attend the annual mission trip with my youth group, and in the days in between I would be relaxing by the pool. I tried to let his words go in one ear and out the other, but somewhere in between my thick skull his words got stuck. As the pastor came forward to speak, I felt the Lord speaking to me so clearly. "You made those plans. I want you to listen."
I began to listen to the pastor and each and every word drew me in closer and closer. That night he was preaching from Mark 5 where Jesus healed a demon possessed and cast his demons into a herd of pigs. When Jesus was leaving, the man begged Jesus to go with him. But Jesus did not let him! At first, it may not make sense to us for Jesus to say no. It seems that if Jesus had healed some one and they were eager to follow Him, He would let them come with Him. Instead, he said, "Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." (v. 19) The pastor went on to explain that sometimes what seemingly makes sense to us is not always what the Lord has planned for us. Sometimes He wants us to stay, and sometimes He wants us to go. The pastor challenged us just to put our "yes" on the table and to be faithful to respond to God's calling, wherever that may be.
That night I went back to the building I was staying in and
grabbed my Bible and my prayer challenge book. As I began to read the
devotional for the day, everything fell right in line with the sermon the
pastor had preached to us only a short time before. At this point, I knew
without a doubt that the Lord was calling me to summer missions, and I began to
make up every excuse in the book why I couldn't go. Some were silly like,
"but God, I can hardly fit all my stuff for a week into my suitcase, how
am I supposed to pack for 7 weeks?" to which I felt the Lord respond,
"I fed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish...surely I can pack
your suitcase." That excuse didn't work, so I moved on to more serious
excuses like, "God, there is no way I can be away from home for 7
weeks..that's a long time." and I felt Him respond, "surely I will be
with you and be your peace." After many more excuses and the Lord's
response to each, I let go of all my fears and all my plans and surrendered to
God's will. I quickly learned that God is not looking for someone who has it
all together, is fearless about being sent, and knows how to pack a suitcase.
He is just looking for people who are willing to serve Him no matter the cost.
As I went back and read through my prayer challenge book and my notes, I could
see God's hand in it all and how He had been preparing me for a long time.
Just 2 short weeks after attending the mission trip and feeling
the Lord's calling, my application has already been approved and I got a phone
call informing me that I had received my placement. I am so humbled and excited
to announce that I will be working with the NAMB this summer as a student
missionary in New York! I ask that you would please pray for me to completely
trust in the Lord and that His peace would cover me as I prepare.
-Amy
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