In the past month, my life has been defined by one word: change. For a person who has gone to the same school for 11 years, the same church for 6 years, participated in the same activities for 6 years, and pretty much had the same set of friends for 8 years, change has not really played a big part in my life. However, in the past month I have become a "has-been" cheerleader (sad face), graduated from high school, started my first job, and signed up for my first semester as a college student. And let me just tell you, it has not been easy.
These past few weeks, I have had a really hard time finding peace in my circumstances. Three days ago, I made a trip to Troy for my freshman orientation. During my senior year, I pushed myself and worked so hard to be able to attend Troy, so needless to say I was super excited. However, when I got to campus, it just seemed to me that if something could go wrong, it would. I didn't get to room with anyone I knew, I was going to have to take an extra semester of classes before I could graduate, I had a scheduling mishap, the light was out in my bathroom, I had no toilet paper, the list just went on and on. While some of these things were significant, most were just small things that in the grand scheme of things have no significance. During my over night stay, I had plenty of time to think (overthink) about things, and begin to pity myself. "Why, God can nothing go right? I am already moving 3 hours away, I won't hardly know anyone (only a small handful), I haven't found where I "fit" yet, now all this?! I mean seriously, can't just one thing go my way?" I got myself so worked up, that I was not even sure I wanted to go to Troy anymore. After all the doors God had opened for me, all He had provided, I was ready to give it all up. That's when, to put it bluntly, I decided I needed to get my crap together.
One thing I pray over myself a lot is this: "Father, change my heart, or change my circumstance." I get so caught up in my pity parties, and the "why me"'s that I forget that God has it handled. So I began to pray this on my way to work yesterday. Then the song "Just Be Held" came on and this line absolutely captured me and hit my like a ton of bricks: "Your world's not falling apart, its falling into place." All the sudden I realized that it was not my circumstance that needed to be changed, it was my heart. If you are truly seeking God with all your heart in your situations, He will not let you get on the wrong path. Yes, we as sinless people will mess up, But in the end, God's plan will prevail, and He will have you right where He wants you, and all for HIS glory. It is absolutely impossible for me to think back on how I ended up at Troy, and not see God's hand all in it. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be right where the Lord wants me. Things are not falling apart for me, they are just now starting to come together.
Have you been praying for something in your life to change, and you haven't seen it happen yet? Maybe you need to start praying for a heart change instead. Ask yourself: How can I use this situation to glorify God? What is God wanting from me? For me, I believe that God is wanting to stretch me. He is wanting to take me far beyond my comfort zone, and make me fully trust in Him. He wants me to step out in faith. He wants me to grow. He wants be to become more like Him. And I am ready.
-Amy
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